A Day Before Tomorrow
by Quille
Summary: "Now all the bitterness was gone. It wasn't about the desperate need, about the illusory comfort. Not only about the chemical reaction in the brain. Sure, it was about the want and the desire as well. But there was more. There was always more." [epilogue to "A Day In Between" and "A Day After Yesterday"] (major spoiler for 9x13 episode)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: _CSI New York_ and its characters are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer and _CBS_. No infringement is intended, just pure fun.**

_**~ This one's for Jessica. Happy Birthday, gal pal! ~**_

. . .

Mac quietly entered his bedroom and stopped right in the doorway. The peaceful and sleepy atmosphere of the room made him feel almost as if he were an intruder. Outside the morning was in full swing. The streets were flooded with noise and rush. But here a perfect silence hung in the air. It was so quiet he could hear the low murmur of the air-conditioning and the monotonous ticking of the clock. And he could almost hear Jo's steady breathing.

The blinds were down, letting in only a small amount of sunlight. Its beams managed to fall solely on the floor, leaving the bed in the undisturbed shadow. But as the sun climbed higher in the sky, the light would crawl towards the bed. Towards her. First it would innocently fall on the sheets. Then it would lay on her bare shoulder, highlighting the golden hue of her skin. Finally it would reach her face, tickle her eyelids, wanting to get beneath them and reflect in her eyes.

It would be around noon then, so there was a chance that she would open her eyes and stretch herself languidly and feline-like.

Mac slowly walked towards the bed and sat on the edge in order to watch her for a moment. She was lying across the bed, occupying much more than a half of it. Her face was cuddled into a pillow. His pillow, to be exact. He smiled again at the thought it would smell of her from now on. Like his whole bed.

She was bringing this smell to his bed regularly now. Not every night, but at least a few times a week. And every time she stayed at his place, they made love. Sometimes more than once. He kept thinking back about their first time together and how bitter-sweet it had been. Now all the bitterness was gone. It wasn't about the desperate need, about the illusory comfort. Not only about the chemical reaction in the brain. Sure, it was about the want and the desire as well. But there was more. There was always more.

He held out his hand and gently brushed her cheek. It was her day off, so he didn't want to wake her, but he didn't want to leave without saying a word either. He had to whisper her name a few times before she began to stir.

''Jo, I'm leaving for work.'' He whispered.

''Hmm?''

''It's half past eight. But you can sleep as long as you want.''

''Mmm.''

''Will you call me when you run your errands? We could grab lunch together. Or go out for dinner.'' Mac offered, toying with the strand of her hair.

''Mhm.''

''OK.'' He smiled. Then he leaned forward and kissed her bare shoulder before the sunlight did it.

''Will ya go already?'' She murmured, her voice laced with sleep, her accent noticeable even more than usual. Her eyes stayed closed, but the corner of her mouth twitched lightly. She was fighting a smile. He leaned towards her again and placed a little kiss on the corner of her mouth, letting her know he had noticed.

''Bye.'' He whispered and got up. Once more he glanced at her before leaving, trying not to think how much he wanted to bury himself under the sheets next to her and share the moment of pure laziness, simply enjoying her warmth and closeness. But he couldn't. He could only hope that part of him would stay with her in her dreams.

. . .

''I've been trying to meet you for a long time.'' The man said. Jo locked her eyes with his. It sounded like a really lame picking up line. She was more than aware of her charm. It could attract a man on the spot. And it had, in the past. If that was it, then she would simply say she wasn't interested. But something was telling her that wasn't the issue here. There was nothing smarmy about him. Quite the opposite. He seemed honest. A little unsettled, but she was sure his intentions were good. Whatever he was up to.

''That part's accomplished.'' She said simply, trying to sound encouraging, wanting to know already the reason why he had followed her.

''I don't really even know where to start.'' He admitted. ''Beginning, I guess. I was born in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.'' He said. She wanted to make a joking comment about how literally he started from the beginning, but the mention of her home town caught her attention.

''Roll Tide!'' She exclaimed cheerfully and smacked her hands against the table. ''I'm from Alabama. I went to undergrad in Tuscaloosa.'' Then the cold reason prevailed over the excitement. It couldn't be a coincidence. ''But you know that, don't you?'' She asked with a sly smile. There had to be some connection. ''Did we meet before?''

''No.'' He shook his head.

''Do we have mutual friends?'' She tried again.

''No.'' He denied once more. ''Not exactly.'' He added quickly. She quirked her eyebrow at him. That was quite mysterious, not making anything clear. ''Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with a heart disease called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.'' The term that he had learned by heart the same day he had heard it for the first time. Not at all familiar to ordinary people. ''Um, it was very hard for my heart to pump blood and I was extremely sick.'' He briefly explained.

''Well, you look very healthy now.'' Jo told him with a smile. The silent question about what she had to do with it was hanging in the air.

''That's because three years after my condition was discovered, on September 13, I was given a donor heart.'' That date. It echoed in Jo's ears along with the loud pounding of her heart that came out of nowhere. ''A very successful transplant. An incredible match, and a healthy donor.'' It was like the whole world around her stopped existing. Everything went frozen, meaningless. There were only his words. That date. Her mind put two and two together as quick as always. It was all reasonable. Every detail matched. But it didn't make being able to believe in it any easier.

''That was you?'' She asked, as if she wanted to force her mind to acknowledge the reality.

''Yes.''

''You got her heart?'' She asked again.

''Yes.'' He patiently confirmed. He kept talking, but his words didn't seem to get to her, being drowned out by the rush of her own thoughts. She had never thought about it. She had forbidden herself to think about it. The mental image of the beloved one lying on a table in a cold morgue was way too much itself. Tormenting herself by the thought of Leanne's body being cut into pieces and used to serve someone's else was simply unbearable. But right now it hit her like a truck. The man that was sitting across the table from her had in his chest Leanne's heart. A piece of her.

''You have my sister's heart.'' She whispered. It wasn't a question anymore. It was a statement. The air in the coffee shop was deadly still. She took a deep breath, but the feeling of not being able to get it into her lungs wouldn't leave her. She made a desperate attempt to deceive her mind that all this didn't have any deeper meaning. It was just an organ. It wasn't her heart anymore, it was now his. Nothing more than a spare part.

Her own heart instantly rebelled against such a thought. It put up a fight, sending to her mind all those memories she kept buried deep inside. The heart in his chest was the same heart which she had heard for the first time while watching the ultrasound recording her mom brought after the visit to the doctor. It was the same heart that had gotten broken in fifth grade by Paul Greene, who threw away the Valentine's card from her. It was the same heart that pounded like crazy when Jo was opening the mail from the University of Alabama for her, because her own hands were shaking too much.

All memories she tried not to remember suddenly rushed through her head like a fast-forwarded movie. All the happy moments when her little sister's heart was filled with joy. All those moments when it ached with sorrow or trembled with anxiety. All the time they had spent together. The time that ended way too soon.

''Whoa.'' She breathed out.

She felt like slipping back into that dark place. The sorrow she just managed to tame started to run wild once again. And now it was threatening to tear her apart with its claws. It was like aching before actually getting hit as the pain was too familiar. She felt dizzy and breathless. She needed to run away, to hide somewhere. There was only one place she could feel safe and calm again. In his arms. He had managed to make the pain subside and finally disappear completely. He had enveloped her with a cocoon of happiness, not letting the sorrow find its way back to her. But now her world trembled. She was falling and only he was able to catch her before she hit the ground.

''I'm sorry.'' She whispered. Then she rose from her chair and left the coffee shop.

. . .

**A/N Many thanks to UrbanMuse who proofread this chapter and did it at the speed of light (if not faster :)**

**There will be a follow up, hopefully soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

. . .

''She's pregnant. I'm gone one day and she's pregnant.'' A cheerful chant rang in Mac's ears and he couldn't help but smile. He turned around and saw her. She was standing in the lab with Sid, Hawkes and Adam. His smile grew even bigger as he saw how happy she was for Danny and Lindsay. Their eyes locked and they looked at each other for a moment, smiling. Then Mac barely noticeably tilted his head in the direction of his office. She understood immediately and nodded lightly.

He hugged Lindsay one more time and then he left. While in his office he wondered how long it would take her to come to him. As he was sure she would follow him. Not instantly, though. He predicted she would fool around with the rest of the team a little longer. It slightly surprised him when she entered his office after rather a short while. She closed the door behind herself. The blinds were down, the only light was from the lamp on Mac's desk. She sat on the coach and sighed.

''Lindsay's pregnant...'' She said and shook her head, still smiling.

''Yeah.'' He nodded and walked towards her. She slightly moved to her side, making room for him and indicating she wanted him to sit down beside her. So he did. He raised his eyebrows when she leaned against him and placed her head on his shoulder. She let out a sigh, like she was finally able to do something that had been on her mind the whole day.

''What is it?'' Mac asked, putting his arm around her shoulders and keeping her in place.

''I missed you.'' She murmured quietly in response. He chuckled slightly and wanted to make some silly comment about her missing him after only a few hours apart. But he didn't, as suddenly it hit him there was something unusual in her behavior. Maybe it was the fact she seemed so quiet and withdrawn, lost in her thoughts. So different from what he had seen only a couple minutes ago, when she was among the other members of the team. But it didn't surprise him. That was the Jo that everyone else knew. Then this one here, who just leaned heavily against him, was known only by him. He shifted slightly, wanting to make them both more comfortable. Much to his surprise it caused her hand to grip his jacket tightly, like she didn't want to pull away just yet. He frowned and put his hand on top of hers, silently assuring her that he had no intention of letting go of her. He felt how her hand lightened its grip. He took her hand and toyed with her fingers for a moment, relaxing her further.

''What happened?'' He asked softly. She sighed deeply and stayed quiet, although he could almost hear the rush of thoughts in her head. He only hoped she wasn't pondering whether to share with him whatever was bothering her, but rather on how to do it.

''Do you know the yin and yang symbol?'' She asked finally.

''Yes. Two opposite forces that are complementary to each other. Light and dark. Soft and hard. Female and male...''

''There are also those little dots.'' She interrupted him. ''The white dot on the black side and the black dot on the white side.''

''Yes, because nothing can be defined easily. There is always a little light in the dark and a little dark in the light. Like stars in the night sky and shadow on a sunny day.'' He said slowly. She stayed quiet for another while.

''I found the little part of something good in something very bad today.'' She finally said. Then she pulled away and looked at him. ''I met the man who was given Leanne's heart.''

He furrowed his eyebrows, not quite believing what he had just heard. Then he remembered her words about Leanne having an organ donor designation on her driving license. He couldn't even imagine how Jo had felt. He was afraid that everything had come back to her. All the pain, all the sorrow. He couldn't bear the thought that she was aching like she used to. He pulled her back to his chest and locked his arms around her, as if he wanted to protect her from everything she had possibly felt today. She brought her hand up and gently caressed his cheek. He turned his head slightly and kissed the inside of her palm.

''Mac... I'm fine.'' She whispered.

''Yea.'' He answered, not at all convinced. He had heard it from her too many times, usually when she was anything but fine.

''No, Mac, really. I'm fine.'' She repeated and pulled slightly away. He had no intention of letting go of her, so he did it rather reluctantly. He took her left hand instead, as he needed to touch her, like it could help him feel the way she did. ''At first... I panicked.'' She admitted quietly. ''It brought up so many memories. And I just assumed they would be painful. My first thought was that I had to run away... to... to you.'' She added softly, her voice trembling. He brought her hand up and kissed her fingertips. ''I guess... I was scared.'' She confessed. ''So scared of suffering again. This fear was even worse than suffering itself.'' She became quiet for a moment. It briefly crossed his mind that someone could enter his office and see them – his arms around her, her cuddled to him. Much to his own surprise he realized he didn't really care. She was the only thing that mattered.

''I actually left the coffee shop. I did run away.'' She continued. ''But not far away.'' She added and he was able to catch a familiar, almost cheerful note in her voice. He looked down at her. She was toying with the button of his shirt. She was lost in thought, but she looked calm. ''I thought that for this man there was a little part of something really bad in something good. Someone had to die for him being able to live. He needed to thank someone, but the person he should thank was gone. So there was only me... And then I thought about Leanne. You know, it's so much like her. She was always an incurable optimist. Even when everything was falling apart she still kept saying it would be just fine.'' She pulled away completely and sat straight. She wiped the tear that managed to escape from beneath her left eyelid, slightly clumsily, as she did it with her right hand. ''She even managed to turn her own death into someone else's life.''

''It is a wonder.'' Mac said, slightly hesitantly. His eyes were fixed on her and he couldn't stop marveling that, indeed, she was alright.

''I spent a half day with him, as he wanted to know some more about Leanne.'' Her voice trailed off, as she recalled everything she had told him. Then she looked at Mac again and smiled. ''It was like the very last page of the book.''

Mac smiled back and pulled her closer to himself once more. He kissed her head and said, ''I'm glad you've told me all this.'' But even more he was relieved that she was fine. Once she had started to tell him about what happened, he was anxious that it evoked memories that were still too painful. But it seemed she finally managed to cope with the demons of the past.

''Umm... But I actually didn't come here to tell you that.'' Jo told him.

''No?''

''No. I came to take you home.'' She said, looking him in the eye. He noticed those sparks in her eyes that he loved so much and he couldn't help but smile. ''Are you free to go?'' She asked.

''Yes.'' He nodded and stood up. Then he offered her his hand and pulled her to her feet as well. ''I think Don was organizing everyone to go out and celebrate another member of Messer's family...'' He started but Jo cut him off.

''Oh, no. Not tonight.'' She protested. He eyed her for a moment, as it was rather unlike her to skip such an opportunity. Usually it was her who was convincing him to grab a couple of drinks with the team. ''Tonight I want to be only with you.'' She said, her eyes not leaving his.

''OK.'' He said softly. He took his jacket and turned the light off. He held the door open for her and led her to the elevator, his hand on the small of her back. As always.

. . .


	3. Chapter 3

. . .

Mac handed Jo her glass and sat down next to her on the couch. She offered him a smile and took a sip of red wine. Then she turned her attention to the TV. Some silly sitcom was on. He couldn't quite tell which one exactly, as he wasn't watching it. He was watching her. She reached out and took a black olive from the last piece of pizza. Her hand stopped not more than an inch away from her lips as she got caught up again in the action on the screen. Then she laughed. Her laughter was making her so beautiful, as if she was glowing with happiness. And it was also making everything around herself brighter.

His eyes slowly roved over her. His hunger for her was getting harder to bear with every moment. His senses needed to be fed. He reached out and gently took the wine glass from her hand. She shot him a surprised glance, thinking that he wanted to refill the glass that wasn't yet empty. But when she saw the look on his face, the intensity of his gaze, everything became clear to her. A little smile played on her lips, telling him that she understood. He knew she did, but even though, he leaned towards her and whispered in her ear what he was going to do to her. Then his lips caressed her earlobe, letting her know how it would be done. Slowly and sweetly.

Making love to her was a feast for all of his senses. First her intoxicating smell. He took his time to nuzzle her soft flesh and discover all the places she had put her perfume on in the morning. Inner wrists and inner elbows. Behind her ears. Between her breasts. It was insane how the faint scent was getting stronger as her heart quickened its pace and the blood traveled with frantic speed through her veins. Her scent was also the first thing he registered when he woke up next to her in the morning. But she smelled so differently then. The smell of her perfume was almost gone and he could catch her own unique scent. She smelled of warm laziness, satisfied desire and sweet love. And she also smelled of him.

Her scent was almost as good as her taste. He liked to brush his lips against hers to get just a hint of it. Then to watch her moist lips part in a silent request to be kissed more. If he delayed granting her wish, she pulled him closer with an irritated groan and crushed her lips on his. Only then could he taste the hotness of her mouth, leaving her out of breath. Then to taste the delicious saltiness of her skin, placing kisses randomly all over her body to find out where she wanted them the most by listening to her gasps. Finally to taste her excitement, her willingness, her desire for him.

To feel every inch of her hot, smooth skin under his fingertips. Her pulse pounding against his lips when he kissed her throat. And to feel her hands on his own body. Gently stroking, caressing, outlining his muscles. Slowly at first, deliberately. Then harder, faster, with more pressure. Frantically, like she wanted to touch him everywhere at the same time. Finally to feel her fingers grasping on his arms and shoulders, digging in, as if she were trying to hold on, to stop herself from falling. But there was no going back and while she realized it, her hands moved to his back, her fingers clawed. The feeling of her nails raking over his back, hard enough to leave marks. Eliciting the pleasurable pain, letting him know how much she was out of control, how close to the edge.

The low, dragged out moan was a good indication of this as well. But before it escaped her he was able to hear other sweet sounds she made. First soft sighs when his hands moved all over her. Little gasps when they found her most sensitive spots. Quiet giggles when he nuzzled her sides, where her ticklish spots were. Whimpers, when it was too much but not enough at the same time. And finally moans. Getting louder and louder. _Right here... Like this... So good... Don't stop..._ Bliss mixed with plea and a hint of threat. And then, if he wasn't quick enough to lock his lips with hers, the incoherent mixture of God's and his name that was escaping from between her lips in a cry.

But nothing could be compared to watching her. The dim light was making her skin gleam. It slid on every curve and every dip of her body. It allowed him to see her hands bunching up in fists, grabbing the sheets. Her back arching off the bed so hard, as if her spine was going to snap. And then, when she was struggling to get her breathing under control, he just couldn't keep himself from asking her if it had been good for her. Even though he knew the answer, he had to do it, because it made her open her eyes and look at him. Letting him see her hazy, unfocused stare. And the little, dreamy smirk. He wanted to kiss it off her lips and keep it forever. Or if not forever, then until the next time.

But there was more. There was always more. When all his senses were going crazy with overload another one was waking up. The sense of being loved. It started as a funny, tingling sensation in his chest. Then it spread through his whole body. He couldn't quite describe it, but as soon as he felt it, he knew this was it. He knew that all he wanted, all he needed, all he cared about, was her. A part of him was hers. And a part of her was his. His whole life was linked to her now. The happiness had a new name.

''Jo...'' He whispered and he felt her lips on his temple in response. His mind, enveloped in the pleasure, slowly made him realize that he was lying on top of her, crushing her with his whole weight. He wanted to roll over, but her arms locked around him, keeping him from moving away.

''Don't.'' She told him in a whisper. He shifted slightly, making it more comfortable for her. He put his head down, getting rocked to sleep by the rhythmic movements of her chest.

His body was a sweet weight. It was precious to be able to fall asleep with her arms around him for a change. She loved his protectiveness, how he was able to make her feel safe with a simple gesture, like his arm being draped across her waist. But tonight she wanted to take care of him. To show him how strong and alive he had made her feel. She let her hands slowly stroke his back and in no time she felt how his body became heavier. She smiled, knowing that he was asleep. Then she sighed softly and let her consciousness slowly drift away. But before it did, while she was still somewhere between dream and the reality, she thought about tomorrow. She probably would be woken up by him, as he simply couldn't help himself and lay calmly next to her. He had to touch her, kiss her, talk to her. Just like today. Today...

Today was no longer only a day she had to live through, running away from one ache and awaiting another. Today wasn't a day devoted only to brood over the past, reliving the same painful memories. Today was a day of complete, undisturbed bliss that could be found only through loving and being loved. A day of looking ahead, into tomorrow and its promise that this happiness would be everlasting.

~ The end ~

**A/N Firstly, before I forget (AGAIN!) - this whole story was supposed to be dedicated to Jessica (csinyfan28)... Of course I forgot to put it at the beginning when I published the first chapter, so here it comes, at the end: **

_**My dear Jess, this is for you. Welcome to the world of old grumps ;P**_

**Secondly, once more many thanks to UrbanMuse, who corrected those two last chapters, despite all adversities – I'd promise you one day I'd figure out where to put which article... but I'm afraid it won't ever happen ;)**

**And thirdly, thank you so much for those of you who read, reviewed, favourited or showed any other kind of support – it really means a lot!**


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